Maybe it’s time to be vulnerable.

I started this blog as an open community for people going through similar health journeys to join my stories, share theirs and connect about our tummy tantrums.

Sharing my story has been extremely difficult. Especially in-person and maybe you feel some element of that too.

Most often when sharing any element of my story I get one of two reactions from people.

Reaction one: “That’s terrifying. Are you constantly afraid of eating?” and “How scary, that must be such an isolating journey.”

OR

Reaction two: “Everyone nowadays has stomach issues. My grandson once had a stomach bug, but that has passed so he’s okay now and I’m sure you will be too.”

If you’ve been through scary food issues in any way, you know how unhelpful both of these types of statements can be.

So recently I’ve shut down a bit more on sharing this journey. Sometimes it’s easier for someone to see me and think I’m perfectly healthy without needing to hear what ~40 single-ingredient foods I’m able to eat at the moment.

That said, I know that we’re not placed on this earth to have isolating journeys.

I was reminded of all this last night at a concert with some friends. As I waited with my friends to pick up their food truck orders, obviously it was a pass for me, one of my friends asked how I was doing. She mentioned that she didn’t want me to feel like I always had to share, but that she cared and wanted to know how the journey was going. I’m embarrassed to say this, but I gave a canned response to a good friend. I was actively having a reaction and was just trying to keep on a brave face during the concert.

I know she knew I was lying, but she didn’t push further.

But after I’ve continued to wonder why I lied. Why didn’t I feel uncomfortable telling her exactly how I felt? Did I think she’d be scared or overwhelmed at my story that day? Was it just easier to shut down and pretend like I was okay to get through the event? Do I just in general feel more comfortable having a bit of a barrier around this food journey?

The answer honestly is yes to all three.

Acting that way is unfair though. It’s unfair to my friend for not being authentic to our friendship and it’s unfair to me for not living in the truth of the moment.

On this journey, some days I feel on top of the world ready for anything that life throws my way. Others I’m just in pain and it’s hard to think straight. But the one thing I can control is how I live regardless of what tantrum my body may be throwing my way.

I’m still not sure how to be fully authentic and vulnerable on this journey. But I promised at the start of this blog that I’d be honest about all the emotions that come along this journey and intend to keep that commitment.

If you are out there and know me, please call me out on the canned answers. I’m working to be more honest about this journey in-person and never want to underestimate our relationship by not giving you the truth.

If you’re out there and you have tips on how to do this better as you’re traveling through your own journey or want to take on this challenge with me, please let me know.

Always with you on this journey, thanks for joining me.

With love,

Ashley